I have been experiencing this a lot lately, especially over the last few days. I mean it's going to happen during the holidays when you are around a bunch of family that definitely HAS NOT been through your loss or has been even the least bit close to it! Most people don't think before they speak. Some one will say how awful their luck has been lately, or how dumb they were to have had their kids so close together, but when that subject arises, it seems a though my mind automatically switches into defense mode.
Don't tell me about bad luck! I would much rather have a flooded home with a broken garage- along with a 4 month old and being pregnant again rather than having my only child be dead!
My outlook on life is much different now. If I were lucky enough to have the sweet blessing of my first born son granted to me, then I am positive I could deal with the everyday stresses of my life falling down all around me. I would WELCOME it!! But I am not that lucky.
I dare not let people know how incredibly broken my heart is when they don't mention Michaels name or choose not to bring him up. Instead I have to put on this face of strength. This UNFAIR false mask of comfort for everyone around me, no matter who they are. I am not allowed to share the pain and hurt, nor the crazy things I come up with in my head throughout the day. I feel pretty isolated.
It's just me and Michael hanging out in our own little world right now I think.