"The love of a true mother comes nearer to being like the love of God than any other kind of love."

Sunday, January 9, 2011

No More FB, It's Off To School I Go!

Well folks, in order to make my life a little more stressful, I have gone back to school! In order to maximize my success in these endeavors, I deactivated my FB account and plan to blog only about once a week.

One of my nursing instructors told us that these next 2 years were going to be challenging and life changing. I wanted to stand up and tell her all about the past 5 months that have been challenging and life changing for me. There is nothing she nor any other teacher can throw at me that I won't be able to handle.

As far as the next 2 years go, not only will I be traveling down the dark paths of grief, but I will be fiercely trying to heal and become an advocate for other women, pregnant women. At the same time I will be traveling onto a career in Nurse Midwifery.

In 3 years, I hope to be able to care for women and their families no matter what the out come of their pregnancy is. I hope to be on the happier side of it most days. So, not only will I be blogging about the still unrealistic loss of my son, I will also be expressing my feeling and thoughts of how this broken and battered momma is transforming herself into not only a Midwife, but a caring and compassionate purpose!

I feel this purpose was given to me, I was called not only to carry Michael for the short time we had together, but I was also called to be a care giver. My purpose is to one day have the honor to show love and empathy to the mothers and families who need it most.

I miss Michael every day, and it still hurts! It will be 5 months on the 12th, but I know my little boy is with me every minute of every day. As the tears fall now while I type, I know my precious son came to us for a reason.

I have chosen to make that reason a positive thing, not only for my well being, but in order to make a difference in peoples lives. To touch people at the heart of their lives, where it means the most. And all the while, I will be honoring Michael.

I will be keeping his memory alive in my heart, through the strength that I will carry with me because of him. I am forever grateful for Michaels' presence in my life. I am thankful that God sent him to us for what ever reason he had. But I am most grateful that I can now see a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Dont get me wrong, there is still a tremendous amount of pain, guilt and despair that I am dealing with and most likely will have to continue to deal with for a very long time. But because of Michael, I will be able to care for women and families that experience loss in a very special way. In some cases I will be able to know what they are feeling at the moment they feel it. I will have the ability to look into the eyes of any broken hearted mother that comes my way and say I know how you feel and actually mean it.

So now with tear stained eyes I am off to the library to study about 16 chapters in various different classes. Thank you to you all that come across my blog and will continue to keep up with my journey. Please forgive me if I do not stop by and comment on your blogs once and a while. Just know that I do read and am thinking of you. Any prayers that you can say for us are greatly needed and appreciated!


  1. That is wonderful you're pursuing a career as a Midwife, I have no doubt you will bring so much compassion and care into the lives of the women you care for. I will be thinking of you, wishing you strength for the challenges ahead and looking forward to following this next journey in your life ((hugs))

  2. Woohoo! Happy to read about you going back to school. I've been cared for by many loving midwives. Peace to you as you begin this next stage of your life.

  3. What an amazing adventure you are on....but it must be the sign the Michael gave you. I'll be in touch via email soon with my address. So sorry it wasn't there sooner. Happy studying!! ((hugs))

  4. Yay! Congrats on your new journey. I am on the same path; only 16 months til I sit for the NCLEX and then hopefully off to Frontier I go. I am trying to find time to squeeze in finally certifying as a doula so that I can help with the amethyst organization that provides doulas to women who are miscarrying. I love that feeling of knowing deep down that you'll be able to give a perspective that is very much needed in the birth community and the support you'll be able to provide will be invaluable. I can't wait to continue to read throughout your journey. Sending lots of love, strength and joy for the future.

  5. You are gonna be a great midwife, Leanne! Nursing school is definitely not for the weak hearted, but you'll do awesome! xo

  6. How wonderful Leanne. Best wishes to you, and I shall think about you and your precious Michael right along with my little Sebastion, on the 12th of every month. Looking forward to hearing how the learning process goes for you:)