A New Semester and the Grief Continues

So today was a whirl wind. I began my 2nd semester of school...OB/Peds. Not too crazy about the test given 2 days before the semester even began, but hey...what can you do except do your best and move on, hopefully. It was a busy day but the second I actually got to sit down, alone, my mind was right back in the middle of my grief and I was sobbing- missing my sweet baby.

I can handle the tears and the heartache. It's not fun and it hurts like hell, but I can do that. What I can't stand though, is the fact that I have loads of work for school piling up on top of my part time job and the tutoring that I will be doing for 1st semester students. The semester hasn't even officially begun yet and there is actually no time for me to be able to grieve. The tears and emotions I can juggle, but time is of the essence. I guess being a BLM, you not only have to deal with life, your loss and grief, but you get the added bonus of having to schedule your grief in the midst of it all. I guess that is just another one of the major disadvantages of loosing a little one. I can't spend too much time here because I have too much else I need to be doing, but I have to do something to process these feelings so here I am.

God I would give anything to be elbow deep in a 1 year old little boys needs and messes right now, instead of wading knee deep in grief. It would be easier to have all of the stuff I have to do now with him here than to be stuck where I am right now. Not a good day today folks.